This past week my friend Dan from Ottawa has been in the area. We have got together a few times to play some basketball. There is an old Zen saying regarding when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Perhaps my changing outlook due to retirement has rendered me ready, as Dan has been a profound teacher.
Dan has a set of challenges that no one reading this could begin to truly comprehend. However, I am not going to insult him and his value to us all by talking about the gift of tolerance or the gratitude that goes with “there, but for the grace of (insert whatever fate controlling entity you choose here) go I” viewpoint. Sure, they’re valid and should go without saying, but truly only scratch the surface.
Dan has an amazing memory for people... names, faces, all of it. Those memories are always positive. I’ve never heard him speak of anyone who he’s had a negative interaction with. He just talks about the positive people in his life... and he remembers them with a tenacity you might think him incapable of. Dan needs people. He will always depend on people to help him navigate through life. Let’s have a look at those last two sentences. They don’t just apply to Dan. Studies out of Harvard show that people are happiest when they maintain and cultivate long-term relationships with people they trust and who will support them. In a narcissistic society of so many hollow “likes” and “friends” we all need to take this to heart. Indeed, as retirement removes introverted and reclusive me from the one situation where I had consistent and diverse human contact I need to learn from Dan. We all need to remember the positive people in our lives and let go of the negative. Dan remembers people and speaks of them in glowing terms with a concerned enthusiasm that I am miles away from cultivating. This is a challenge Dan has set before me.
Dan is a master of celebrating the simple pleasures and being in the moment. When I ask if he would like to go shoot some hoops, or if he has recently seen someone... he responds with a totally heartfelt; “Eeeyaa!” It’s a response of pure joy. Do you have such a response in your repertoire? Would simply being with someone or doing some small task bring it out? We’ve lost the sense of awe for the truly awesome. We are so quick to move on to the promise of something more rather than celebrate all the amazing aspects of right where we are. Dan makes me feel cherished just because I spent some time to walk down the street and shoot some baskets with him. What a marvelous gift to receive. What an amazing skill to be able to show people how incredible it is to spend time doing something simple with them. This is a challenge Dan has set before me.
Dan does what he can. He never compares himself to others or even to other versions of himself for that matter. I’ve never heard him lament what he is unable to do or how he doesn’t measure up to some artificial standard put out there by society. He just loves what he can do. This really hit me like a brick today. I went for my usual Saturday morning run before getting together with Dan. I used to be a very good runner. How many of us define ourselves by those “used to bes”? They truly are irrelevant. But there I was this morning, feeling a bit down about the effort it now takes me to trot along in a manner that I now call running. Shooting hoops with Dan quickly slapped me upside the head for being such a fool. It doesn’t matter what anyone else can do, what you used to be able to do or any other false standard that may exist. Chasing after a ball with Dan on the tarmac requires no evaluation... just celebration. It’s what’s we are doing right now and it’s pretty fantastic. This is a challenge Dan has set before me.
Be open to all the possible teachers around you. I am so grateful that I have arrived at a point in my journey where I could be open to Dan’s teachings. I’m certain he has more that I have yet to discover. In the meantime, as with all great teachers, Dan has left me with a set of tools to help me create a more enlightened way of moving through the world. Am I ready to celebrate that challenge? Eeeyaa!